We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize