just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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