They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
