Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
