Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
