My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
