Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
