thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
