Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
