I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
