I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
