there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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