How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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