yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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