im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize