Need sex. Gaining weight.
In America we eat man semen.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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