You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
