You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
