But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
