I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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