omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
