at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
