PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't turn off my feet"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
