Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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