I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
