By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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