i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
