Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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