you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
