you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
why do cheetos always look like penises
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize