just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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