In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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