never play flip cup with pint glasses
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
