before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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