the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
