3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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