Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
