the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize