Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
