Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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