Barsexuality is the new black.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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