TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
