people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
