are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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