I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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