Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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