i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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