Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
