Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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