Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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