textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
