just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
