My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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