Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
