So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
