I must be too annoying 4 u.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
