The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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