you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
