I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize