Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
