I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize
