Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize