the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
