I am spending my child support on dildos
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
