she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
