At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
