Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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